It's Okay Not To Be Okay

With so much emphasis to be happy 24/7, using social media as a highlight real; where we fake how in control of our lives we really are, no wonder why we never think its okay to show our sad side.

Despite it looking like all I do is take pictures of pretty flowers and listen to Disney songs, I definitely do not have my shit together all of the time. I am the worst for comparing myself to other people’s lives that we see on Instagram, doubting myself and putting myself down if I’m not good at something straight away.

Apparently, people often tell me that I seem confident when they first meet me, although that may be true, what they don’t see is how much of a failure I feel inside because I have not found the ‘thing’ I want to do for the rest of my life.

They don’t see that I’m annoyed because I am not on the same path as everyone else, which make me feel even more stupid because I know I am on my own path.

I have completed social media detoxes and they seem to work for a second, until I go back and the cycle of comparison and self doubt repeats itself.

This isn’t a blog post that will end with the cliché that we will be happy, and it’s our own path that we are on blah blah blah. This post is a celebration that it is okay to not be happy all of the time.

Being sad, annoyed, frustrated are emotions that can be just as strong as happiness and it needs to be talked about. Hiding it damages you more than it does expressing your feelings.

Everybody gets sad and upset, but there seems to be less emphasis of sharing this aspect with people, with the fear that you may be described as an attention seeker.

What’s the saddest time in my life?

Probably when my so-called best friend betrayed my trust and went behind my back when I was 16. The first proper falling out I have ever had with someone close to me. It hurt. I have learnt a lot through this experience and it has made me a stronger person.

I had never had someone who I was that close to do that to me before and it shocked me that she could treat me like that.

That she wasn’t the person that I thought she was.

I had told her everything and she used that against me.

That day I came to learn that you can NEVER truly know someone… you never know what’s going on in their head or what actions they may do next.

It has also left me with trust issues. I find it hard to trust people straight away and it has affected other relationships in my life. Thankfully the ones to stay in my life have understood this and allowed me the time to build up the connection with them; which I’m grateful for.  I now live by that trust is something you earn, not something that you’re entitled to.

Without this experience, I wouldn’t be able to know what values I want in a friend, I need someone that won’t go behind my back, will be honest with me and not take me for granted.

I also had to pick myself back up which definitely makes you a stronger person and this has definitely been the tool I use with any other similar situations, as I know that I can get through it.

Being sad isn’t a bad thing, you can learn a lot from these situations, about yourself and the way that you handle yourself through them.

At the moment, I am sad that I can’t find my ‘purpose’ in life. I am in a limbo stage where nothing seems to be going right. I have lost the motivation to find my passion and everything is very blurry. This has affected my consistency of blog writing and not creating new content on Instagram for a month.

I know that I will find it eventually and I need to believe in myself and to trust my abilities. But I am allowing myself to be sad because what I thought I wanted to do may not be the goal I have now.

This chapter is over, and I am trying to find a new spark that gets me excited to wake up every day.

It doesn’t make me a failure, or that I have wasted my time. I just need a new path, a new chapter that is waiting around the corner to be opened.

Being sad is not a pleasant emotion to feel, but we need to stop pretending that this emotion doesn’t exist and start talking about it. You don’t need to blurt it out online, but just make sure you are telling someone and not keeping it to yourself.

In the words of Jessie J- It’s okay not to be okay!